I just came out of a short depression and things are going great for me so I wanted to say something really important.
When browsing online forums or spending too much time on the internet I noticed one particular issue. Autistic / Vacuum thinking. Also known as extreme one sided thinking. Simplyfing everything towards one issue (looks, women are whores, be alpha) and building your whole life around it.
One example is the MGTOW movement where some members claim we should genetically engineer people to reproduce asexually in order to not have to deal with gynocentrism.
The reason this is dangerous is because there usually is a kernel of truth in what the people are saying, but because the idea is taken to extremes it becomes a parody of itself.
Of course advice like look good, learn game, be dominant, beware of bad women is good advice.
But when taken to extreme it becomes ridiculous. Look good becomes get plastic surgery to fix a minor problem only you notice. Learn game becomes analyze every single interaction, even miniscule details to learn perfect technique or never get laid. Be dominant becomes be a douchebag, get into fights for no reason, etc. Beware of bad women becomes All Women are money grubbing whores, run from them. And so on
Examples of this
The problem of one-sided extreme thinking
This may seem like a stupid issue. Reading that as an asian or other minority you will never get laid ever, that unless you are born rich or are lucky you will never ammount to anything, that unless you are over 6ft you will never get laid, like the idea that growing up under a single mom fucks you forever or being virgin past 20 means you are doomed. No one should get depressed because of such stupid stuff ?
Well, unfortunately a lot of people do. A lot of people stay too much on the internet in toxic forums and develop these ideas. Hell, even forums not designed to be toxic can be toxic if you get the wrong message. People on GLL should be striving to be positive and self improve not wallow in sadness. But a lot of people look at someone's success and think there is something wrong with them since they are not there yet. They must be ugly, short, poor, unlucky, fucked in the head since he has anxiety, etc
I know this because I fell victim to this. After reading Lookism and some similar forums I started obsessing over looks and not in a good way. I already knew GLL advice regarding clothes and muscles. But after visiting toxic forums I started obsessing over ridiculous shit like my jaw being assymetrical, a cheekbone being a bit flatter, etc. I would take photos everyday looking for flaws, thinking of saving money for facial surgery, etc. I would take bad photos with the phone and think oh my god, I'm a mutant.
Of course it's over now. I still plan to fix my teeth, but my obsessive idea over getting plastic surgery is over. But why did I get there in the first place, especially after having decent resources on dating and lifestyle like GLL ?
The cause of one sided thinking and depression caused by it
One sided thinking is caused by a simple thing.
Lack of human interaction.
During my last semester I was extremely busy. My girlfriend left and I lost contact with a friend. I basically had no close friends. Add a shit ton of exams and a limited budget and I basically almost did not talk to people or go out for a drink. I spent six months in a relatively cold and dark country, getting little sleep and eating poorly , overworking and talking too little. Of course I sort of lost contact with reality.
Lack of social interaction caused me to seek the reason for my failures. Instead of seeing it for what it was, a temporary state of things that will pass, I was thinking why am I not getting laid, despite being tall, having a big dick, dressing well ? And so I blamed was my facial attractiveness. But it could have been anything else : high pitched voice, lack of money, location, all women are stupid, etc.
This is the reason most people become extreme Red Pill / MRA / lookists / MGTOW / race obssessed etc.
Lack of social interaction and confirmation bias.
Solution to the problem of extreme one-sided thinking
Simply, just go out and interact with people. If you can't yet, just wait, work on yourself and I can guarantee it will get better.
This summer I came home for vacation. Instead of winds and dark skies the weather was 30 degrees Celsius. The streets were filled with hot chicks, whereas I barely saw people in the small town I was studying. Suddenly I met all my old friends. Everything was cheap. I finally had money to drink and eat out.
After doing multiple approaches and doing a basic "Hey I thought you look cute, I wanted to say Hi" approaches I meet an old friend who offers me a job as a model scout. As I walk with him through the city I meet another old friend who introduces me to other people I don't know yet. And so I pass from one hands to others. I basically made like 7 new aquaintances. Now everyday I have someone to go out with. I am offered other cool jobs by people. I saw a lot of cool events.
And the defining moment happened recently. As I meet another new person we go out for a drink with him and some people I already know. He happens to be the boyfriend of a girl I already knew. And something striked me about this convo.
He was very good looking facially. Yet he was talking to me as an equal and in many ways I was superior to him. I had less anxiety, was better dressed, had better social skills, etc. This isn't meant to brag. The thing is, I spent time on Lookism looking at guys like him with perfect jaws and straight noses and thinking they have such an easy time getting laid, no wonder I am fucked. I thought guys like him are some kind of supermen with no anxiety and essentially perfect in every way. And yet when I was talking to him I realized we are basically on the same foot. He was just as human as me. In fact he praised certain things about me. He was dating an average looking girl. And it wasn't like Lookism claiming hot guys only date hot girls and vice versa.
It's almost like thinking in a vaccum makes you believe stupid shit about how good looks are everything and thinking you are the ugliest person around.
I was talking to 2 other girls and I was basically being myself, not caring about shit tests and stuff. I was being genuine and vulnerable and had a great time. I didn't have this retarded women and men can never be friends bullshit ruin my time.
It’s almost like you don’t need dark triad, perfect frame and an arsenal of memorized comebacks to shit tests and AMOG tactics to get laid or have fun.
Conclusion
Life is complicated. There is no one universal truth that is the key to everything so stop getting dragged down because of it.
You don't need perfect looks to get hot girls, you can recover from growing under a single mom, you can get over being a loser in highschool, there is no need to constantly compete for being alpha and AMOGing every single social interaction, you can lose your virginity past 20 and become a player.
There is no one single key to success in life, wether it's looks, dominance, game, dark triad etc.
So stop living in this fantasy world were you think this one single thing is the reason you fail. And stop framing your whole existence around it, wether it's passing shit tests, AMOGing or defeating gynocracy or whatever.
Just chill, live your life and enjoy it and if you apply sane advice to a healthy extent rather than extreme, such as focus a bit on looks, improve your game, learn to lead, etc. and life will get better, I promise.
If you browsed Lookism and think you are a mutant. If you browsed MGTOW and think all women are walking soul-sucking parasites. If you browsed R9K and think you are the biggest loser on the planet, if you read ROK and think all women are into criminals my advice is ... Stop reading it, let hard times pass if necessary, live your life and you will realize how bullshit they were and how stupid you were for letting them drag you down. That's all.
I got over a depression caused by this type of stuff so it is very relevant to me and I really hope it helps guys in a similar situation.
Sorry for wall of text. Had to take it out of me. Also, I might format it later to make it more readable. I'm really sleepy now but wanted to share this.
When browsing online forums or spending too much time on the internet I noticed one particular issue. Autistic / Vacuum thinking. Also known as extreme one sided thinking. Simplyfing everything towards one issue (looks, women are whores, be alpha) and building your whole life around it.
One example is the MGTOW movement where some members claim we should genetically engineer people to reproduce asexually in order to not have to deal with gynocentrism.
The reason this is dangerous is because there usually is a kernel of truth in what the people are saying, but because the idea is taken to extremes it becomes a parody of itself.
Of course advice like look good, learn game, be dominant, beware of bad women is good advice.
But when taken to extreme it becomes ridiculous. Look good becomes get plastic surgery to fix a minor problem only you notice. Learn game becomes analyze every single interaction, even miniscule details to learn perfect technique or never get laid. Be dominant becomes be a douchebag, get into fights for no reason, etc. Beware of bad women becomes All Women are money grubbing whores, run from them. And so on
Examples of this
- There is a website out there called Lookism which pushes the idea that "looks are everything" , Now of course GLL people would agree that looks matter, and sometimes quite a lot. But Lookism people take it to extreme by claiming anyone that does not look like Sean O'Pry is a "subhuman" and people are seriously stressing over ridiculous things like "philtrum: , "canthal tilt", "gonial angle" , etc. This people then take extreme examples by making a Tinder profile with the picture of a male model, than one using an absolutely butt ugly dude, showing the difference, than saying "see ! there is no hope but facial surgery" . Under their worldview Chris should have never gotten laid, since he is not facially perfect. One dude claimed the reason Chris got laid was because he had a good forehead. They also push ridicolous ideas such as the idea that being "alpha" is absolutely genetic. That "chads" are gods in human form and that they never feel anxiety and have sex just by looking at a girl. To give an example of the extremes I am talking look at redpillcomics archive.is/wKXqE
They also claim other ridicolous things such as if you did not have a male role model early in life or early sexual experiences you are doomed. That all PUA is scam, like literally EVERYTHING, Even basic advice like how to keep convos and so on. They go to ridicolous extremes to prove their point. To them every video is a scam. Even when the guy speaks common sense they will claim he is a liar.
- Another example of that are the Game fundamentalists. They are common at Chateau Heartiste. To these guys game is everything. Even a hobo can get laid with an international model if he has "game". Guys that will claim that the reason you did not get the girl was that your response was too needy, that you did not hold frame, that you did not AMOG, that you did not neg etc, etc. Every single word is analyzed, every body position. One wrong breath and you are hopless beta. They have like 500 maxims, they also take Tinder convos and give ridicolous advice like using some very specific Tinder opener, since otherwise you will appear as beta. The idea that you get rejected based on looks is automatically dismissed. The idea that one particular girl was unavailable is dismissed too. Basically every single time you don't get laid is because your frame is off or you said the wrong word.
- Another example is the MGTOW crowd which claims any effort to get laid is "pussy worshiping" and that every player is a beta faggot since he is trying to please women and that's beta. Somehow a true alpha does not care about social expectations at all. He does whatever he wants , whenever he wants. He can come dressed in pajamas at work since that means "going his own way" and if he tries to be like by women or men, if he tries to improve or become more likable to women or more masculine he is a mangina. Since he needs "validation". Of course this is retarded because if you think like this the solution is to never improve and hope someone likes your 500 pounds ass, because making one step towards women means you are validating yourself through pussy, thus you are a mangina. They will also claim all women are walking destruction machines only looking to suck you dry of money and accuse you of raping them. They do not know genuine feelings, they are just vipers preying on men.
- There is also theredpill on reddit. Guys who claim women are attracted to dark triad traits and thus they try to emulate psychopathy and machiavellianism to succeed. Their advice is routinely extreme. Calling for dread game for any small mistake from the women, to cheat with other women in order to make your women feel jealous and looking at every single female interaction as a "shit test" and coming of with a perfect response.
- Then there are places like WizardChan, OmegaVirginRevolt , R9K . Places were people who are loveshy , virgins with high anxiety and social issues gather. They claim that because they are neuroatypical they are fucked, the world is against them. They never consider any possibility of self improvement. Instead losers drag other losers lower with them.
- Then there is ROK claiming women are destroying civilization. All women are sluts. All women are into dirty stuff like sex with animals. All women find serial killers hot.
- Another example of this extreme thinking happened on this forum. There was a user called Sam who came up with this theory that "masculinity is everything". He claimed that unless you are hyper-masculine like Mike Tyson you will never get laid. Funny enough, before that his spiel was " having your own bussiness is everything " . Like he would insert this in every discussion. He also threw random boilerplate like " why did you not do it yet ? Just do it. Stop looking for excuses. Act now ! " . One time I asked advice and he almost attacked me with this and it kinda made me feel like shit. Since I though it was my fault. Instead of being a balanced voice who gives genuinely useful advice tailored to the individual and the context he attacked me with " why aren't you doing it yet ! When there is a will there's a way ! " except more aggresive.
The problem of one-sided extreme thinking
This may seem like a stupid issue. Reading that as an asian or other minority you will never get laid ever, that unless you are born rich or are lucky you will never ammount to anything, that unless you are over 6ft you will never get laid, like the idea that growing up under a single mom fucks you forever or being virgin past 20 means you are doomed. No one should get depressed because of such stupid stuff ?
Well, unfortunately a lot of people do. A lot of people stay too much on the internet in toxic forums and develop these ideas. Hell, even forums not designed to be toxic can be toxic if you get the wrong message. People on GLL should be striving to be positive and self improve not wallow in sadness. But a lot of people look at someone's success and think there is something wrong with them since they are not there yet. They must be ugly, short, poor, unlucky, fucked in the head since he has anxiety, etc
I know this because I fell victim to this. After reading Lookism and some similar forums I started obsessing over looks and not in a good way. I already knew GLL advice regarding clothes and muscles. But after visiting toxic forums I started obsessing over ridiculous shit like my jaw being assymetrical, a cheekbone being a bit flatter, etc. I would take photos everyday looking for flaws, thinking of saving money for facial surgery, etc. I would take bad photos with the phone and think oh my god, I'm a mutant.
Of course it's over now. I still plan to fix my teeth, but my obsessive idea over getting plastic surgery is over. But why did I get there in the first place, especially after having decent resources on dating and lifestyle like GLL ?
The cause of one sided thinking and depression caused by it
One sided thinking is caused by a simple thing.
Lack of human interaction.
During my last semester I was extremely busy. My girlfriend left and I lost contact with a friend. I basically had no close friends. Add a shit ton of exams and a limited budget and I basically almost did not talk to people or go out for a drink. I spent six months in a relatively cold and dark country, getting little sleep and eating poorly , overworking and talking too little. Of course I sort of lost contact with reality.
Lack of social interaction caused me to seek the reason for my failures. Instead of seeing it for what it was, a temporary state of things that will pass, I was thinking why am I not getting laid, despite being tall, having a big dick, dressing well ? And so I blamed was my facial attractiveness. But it could have been anything else : high pitched voice, lack of money, location, all women are stupid, etc.
This is the reason most people become extreme Red Pill / MRA / lookists / MGTOW / race obssessed etc.
Lack of social interaction and confirmation bias.
Solution to the problem of extreme one-sided thinking
Simply, just go out and interact with people. If you can't yet, just wait, work on yourself and I can guarantee it will get better.
This summer I came home for vacation. Instead of winds and dark skies the weather was 30 degrees Celsius. The streets were filled with hot chicks, whereas I barely saw people in the small town I was studying. Suddenly I met all my old friends. Everything was cheap. I finally had money to drink and eat out.
After doing multiple approaches and doing a basic "Hey I thought you look cute, I wanted to say Hi" approaches I meet an old friend who offers me a job as a model scout. As I walk with him through the city I meet another old friend who introduces me to other people I don't know yet. And so I pass from one hands to others. I basically made like 7 new aquaintances. Now everyday I have someone to go out with. I am offered other cool jobs by people. I saw a lot of cool events.
And the defining moment happened recently. As I meet another new person we go out for a drink with him and some people I already know. He happens to be the boyfriend of a girl I already knew. And something striked me about this convo.
He was very good looking facially. Yet he was talking to me as an equal and in many ways I was superior to him. I had less anxiety, was better dressed, had better social skills, etc. This isn't meant to brag. The thing is, I spent time on Lookism looking at guys like him with perfect jaws and straight noses and thinking they have such an easy time getting laid, no wonder I am fucked. I thought guys like him are some kind of supermen with no anxiety and essentially perfect in every way. And yet when I was talking to him I realized we are basically on the same foot. He was just as human as me. In fact he praised certain things about me. He was dating an average looking girl. And it wasn't like Lookism claiming hot guys only date hot girls and vice versa.
It's almost like thinking in a vaccum makes you believe stupid shit about how good looks are everything and thinking you are the ugliest person around.
I was talking to 2 other girls and I was basically being myself, not caring about shit tests and stuff. I was being genuine and vulnerable and had a great time. I didn't have this retarded women and men can never be friends bullshit ruin my time.
It’s almost like you don’t need dark triad, perfect frame and an arsenal of memorized comebacks to shit tests and AMOG tactics to get laid or have fun.
Conclusion
Life is complicated. There is no one universal truth that is the key to everything so stop getting dragged down because of it.
You don't need perfect looks to get hot girls, you can recover from growing under a single mom, you can get over being a loser in highschool, there is no need to constantly compete for being alpha and AMOGing every single social interaction, you can lose your virginity past 20 and become a player.
There is no one single key to success in life, wether it's looks, dominance, game, dark triad etc.
So stop living in this fantasy world were you think this one single thing is the reason you fail. And stop framing your whole existence around it, wether it's passing shit tests, AMOGing or defeating gynocracy or whatever.
Just chill, live your life and enjoy it and if you apply sane advice to a healthy extent rather than extreme, such as focus a bit on looks, improve your game, learn to lead, etc. and life will get better, I promise.
If you browsed Lookism and think you are a mutant. If you browsed MGTOW and think all women are walking soul-sucking parasites. If you browsed R9K and think you are the biggest loser on the planet, if you read ROK and think all women are into criminals my advice is ... Stop reading it, let hard times pass if necessary, live your life and you will realize how bullshit they were and how stupid you were for letting them drag you down. That's all.
I got over a depression caused by this type of stuff so it is very relevant to me and I really hope it helps guys in a similar situation.
Sorry for wall of text. Had to take it out of me. Also, I might format it later to make it more readable. I'm really sleepy now but wanted to share this.