I honestly haven't an idea where this post should belong (online dating ? general depression ?)
have so much on my plate but i'll try to narrow down to at least the most recent lays (defined as within the past month)
- went out with 4 different girls, fucked two, made out with others
1) one that i made out with dipped, saying she can't see me again bec of PTSD or whatever some rape attempt. i think she was the cutest but no biggie
2) one that i also made out with eventually gave me a blowjob on second date (was her period)
3) one that i fucked is an 18y.o. whom i'm not really interested in. no biggie
4) one that i fucked is a flight attendant
out of these, i've been seeing 2) and 4) regularly.
I've been seeing these two girls regularly,
- i've seen 2) a total of 4 times now, and even if i haven't smashed she's the safest, we're always in regular contact, can tell that she's really into me she's really sweet, but i'm not as interested as with 4)
- i've seen 4) a total of 3 times, all of which we fucked (except 2nd time bec was her period, so she blew me). As of now she is easily the girl i'm most smitten with physically and sexually, while emotionally/intellectually 2) is more on my level, i'm really infatuated with the flight attendant just bec she has a really banging body that i can't just get enough of
now i'm really down bec i've been regularly seeing and keeping in touch with these two, until yesterday with 4) and suddenly is colder. Gave her a call yesterday to ask her out again, says she can't bec busy with friends and work, asked her if we could hang out again when she comes back from her flight which is Sunday. now, i know i shouldn't get attached but i just find it odd since we've been out a couple times now and she was definitely sweeter and acted like a girlfriend (always replies, tells me where she is, even says sorry when she replies late, etc). of course i don't mind if she's busy/not texty to begin with, but the sudden change of mood makes me think she's not interested anymore. fortunately i haven't done anything cringeworthy (yet) but i feel sooner or later am just gonna blow up and confront her why she's ghosting on me
that's just one, thing is i get easily attached. last saturday i was finally supposed to go out with an Aussie chick i've been asking out for almost a month now (met through Tinder). She was finally receptive and made plans for last Saturday, thing is training finished later than expected. She asked if we could meet the following day instead (yesterday), to which i agreed (looking back, should've just insisted on the meetup and that i was finishing soon re Chris's theory of window of availability). So come Sunday I confirmed plans and you guessed it, she had an excuse and said it was her first day of period (although i dunno do girls use that as an excuse or was she actually being honest ?) so i said okay too bad wanna take a raincheck to Friday and she said sure. but again, i've a feeling she'll flake again and just should've pushed through with Saturday
The reason why I beat myself over this lost opportunity with this last chick, i think now is less because i'm not seeing other women (i am) but more bec she's a foreign, white girl. man i'd really hate to admit that i'd be so happy with a white girl but i think it's true, as an Asian there seems to be some sort of prestige attached to it. I've felt this the most those times I was in Europe and North America and tried Tinder, and every time I depressingly get close to zero matches (even with Westerners of Asian origin) so it really shows how they have a lower preference for Asians, which just hammers home a sense of inferiority. In short, I'm beating myself over a lost chance to have a date with a white girl
It's really shitty bec not only is my easy attachment nagging at my insides, it's also affecting my responsibilities. Every time something doesn't go my way i let it go to my head and it affects my work productivity
Sorry for the ramble, hope I was able to make some coherent thoughts there. Thanks
edit : I've actually fucked white girls before but not a lot (3) and they're not that attractive compared to this one
have so much on my plate but i'll try to narrow down to at least the most recent lays (defined as within the past month)
- went out with 4 different girls, fucked two, made out with others
1) one that i made out with dipped, saying she can't see me again bec of PTSD or whatever some rape attempt. i think she was the cutest but no biggie
2) one that i also made out with eventually gave me a blowjob on second date (was her period)
3) one that i fucked is an 18y.o. whom i'm not really interested in. no biggie
4) one that i fucked is a flight attendant
out of these, i've been seeing 2) and 4) regularly.
I've been seeing these two girls regularly,
- i've seen 2) a total of 4 times now, and even if i haven't smashed she's the safest, we're always in regular contact, can tell that she's really into me she's really sweet, but i'm not as interested as with 4)
- i've seen 4) a total of 3 times, all of which we fucked (except 2nd time bec was her period, so she blew me). As of now she is easily the girl i'm most smitten with physically and sexually, while emotionally/intellectually 2) is more on my level, i'm really infatuated with the flight attendant just bec she has a really banging body that i can't just get enough of
now i'm really down bec i've been regularly seeing and keeping in touch with these two, until yesterday with 4) and suddenly is colder. Gave her a call yesterday to ask her out again, says she can't bec busy with friends and work, asked her if we could hang out again when she comes back from her flight which is Sunday. now, i know i shouldn't get attached but i just find it odd since we've been out a couple times now and she was definitely sweeter and acted like a girlfriend (always replies, tells me where she is, even says sorry when she replies late, etc). of course i don't mind if she's busy/not texty to begin with, but the sudden change of mood makes me think she's not interested anymore. fortunately i haven't done anything cringeworthy (yet) but i feel sooner or later am just gonna blow up and confront her why she's ghosting on me
that's just one, thing is i get easily attached. last saturday i was finally supposed to go out with an Aussie chick i've been asking out for almost a month now (met through Tinder). She was finally receptive and made plans for last Saturday, thing is training finished later than expected. She asked if we could meet the following day instead (yesterday), to which i agreed (looking back, should've just insisted on the meetup and that i was finishing soon re Chris's theory of window of availability). So come Sunday I confirmed plans and you guessed it, she had an excuse and said it was her first day of period (although i dunno do girls use that as an excuse or was she actually being honest ?) so i said okay too bad wanna take a raincheck to Friday and she said sure. but again, i've a feeling she'll flake again and just should've pushed through with Saturday
The reason why I beat myself over this lost opportunity with this last chick, i think now is less because i'm not seeing other women (i am) but more bec she's a foreign, white girl. man i'd really hate to admit that i'd be so happy with a white girl but i think it's true, as an Asian there seems to be some sort of prestige attached to it. I've felt this the most those times I was in Europe and North America and tried Tinder, and every time I depressingly get close to zero matches (even with Westerners of Asian origin) so it really shows how they have a lower preference for Asians, which just hammers home a sense of inferiority. In short, I'm beating myself over a lost chance to have a date with a white girl
It's really shitty bec not only is my easy attachment nagging at my insides, it's also affecting my responsibilities. Every time something doesn't go my way i let it go to my head and it affects my work productivity
Sorry for the ramble, hope I was able to make some coherent thoughts there. Thanks
edit : I've actually fucked white girls before but not a lot (3) and they're not that attractive compared to this one