Hi everyone,
You can call me Seb although that's not my birth name. The reason I don't want to use my birth name is because I'm ashamed of it and what it stands for. I'm even considering officially changing my name to Seb (Sebastian) by deed poll one day.
Anyway let me tell you about myself. There isn't exactly a high percentage of people in the Western world who are more of a (most definitely NON good-looking) loser than me. I'm 33 years old (34 in May), am ugly, have a very much receding hairline, am going grey in both head AND facial hair, have a beard that is thinning out (I've also NEVER had the ability to grow a proper full beard like other men can), have a disappearing eyebrow, have awful rashes on my face, hands/wrists and other parts of my body, have this slightly deformed lip due to being mercilessly beaten up after a night out just before Christmas last year (I don't remember what happened as I was so drunk and whoever did it has totally got away with it), have a small penis with an awful turkey neck (although I HAVE seen some size gains after doing the Bathmate routine, especially in girth) have autism, am an alcoholic, am physically weak, easily intimidated and scared and can't physically stand up to other men despite being 6'3" and a naturally large (fat not muscular) build, have NO friends whatsoever, have next to no family (I currently live with my Mum who I don't even get on with, my Dad and half brother and sister don't want to know), only ever had 2 jobs glass collecting in the year 2000 and have been NEET ever since (I have received disability benefits since 2002), never had a girlfriend, only been French kissed by 5 different females without paying (I've seen MANY different sex workers over the years as this is the only way I can get it, at least two of those females don't even count and I had no free French kisses AT ALL between 2003 and 2015 despite hundreds of nights out) and NEVER been to bed with a woman without paying apart from one time in 2002 but she only pretended to like me for her own sick amusement. She even played sick mind games with me for weeks before she actually let me go home with her, coming on to me then kissing the same person in front of me, back and to between us, asking me to go home with her but then just disappearing at the end of the night. I don't even know if I even managed to penetrate her as I was in pain with my retracted foreskin that interfered with my erections at the time. She wouldn't let me go down on her saying that "only her boyfriend can do that" and she even did things that physically hurt me both before I went home with her and the time I DID go home with her, such as scratching my back, viciously biting my neck (you could say it was love biting but it was quite extreme) and putting her teeth against my (what eventually became practically flaccid) penis head and foreskin. I most definitely did NOT cum. I was also drunk so I don't remember everything with perfect clarity. I've never known if I lost my virginity to her or not and this is something I've had to live with for all these years. She would go on to take away what's now been over 13 and half years of my physical life from me by saying horrible nasty things to me (I was drunk and my brain blocked what was said) when I phoned her once, possibly feeling lonely. I stupidly let her do it to me all over again (but no going to bed with her this time) in 2015, after I contacted her on Facebook just desperately wanting answers about the past. She then pretends to be nice to me, comes on to me and manipulates me in "that way". This led to us speaking on the phone and then meeting up twice. The first meeting was just a week after I initially contacted her on Facebook and the second meeting was 6 days after that. The first meeting she ended up French kissing me and suggested us being FWB's. The second meeting we spent the whole afternoon together (after her initially messing me about by not turning up at the place we agreed, then telling me a different place but then not turning up there for ages and also not answering her phone or replying to my texts) and she was all over me, making out she was in love with me and implied we had a future together. I had to catch the last bus to the place I was staying at, so I eventually had to leave her. Before I did she made me promise to phone her later some time later on that evening. When I did I initially couldn't get through for a while but when I did she got two males to laugh at me and mock me down the phone with her making stupid noises down the phone. The next day she just said she didn't remember saying she was drunk and had taken Valium. I then stupidly stayed in contact with her for months after that, not wanting to believe the awful truth. When I contacted her on Facebook, her youngest daughter actually admitted that her mother doesn't genuinely like me, never did and never will. I haven't contacted the woman in about a year now, deleted her number from my phone and I no longer have any Facebook connection with her (I'm actually no longer on Facebook at all as there was no point me being on it). What has always made the situation with the woman even worse is that there has NEVER been anything I could do to get justice and she has always been surrounded by people who won't admit the truth about why she did what she did (in the first place) and how it happened. I've always been on my own for all these years with NOBODY to stick up for me in the matter.
I've decided now that I have absolutely HAD ENOUGH of everything. I quite simply can't go on like this. I want to be happy and be finally free, living the life that I want AND deserve to live. I want a big penis that will make women SCREAM in orgasmic ecstasy. I want to be super physically attractive to women. I want to have hundreds of notches on my bedpost. I want ALL my health problems, along with this thing that's tortured me for over 13 and a half years totally GONE.
I've now made the decision that I WILL get the life I want. I quite simply have to.
You can call me Seb although that's not my birth name. The reason I don't want to use my birth name is because I'm ashamed of it and what it stands for. I'm even considering officially changing my name to Seb (Sebastian) by deed poll one day.
Anyway let me tell you about myself. There isn't exactly a high percentage of people in the Western world who are more of a (most definitely NON good-looking) loser than me. I'm 33 years old (34 in May), am ugly, have a very much receding hairline, am going grey in both head AND facial hair, have a beard that is thinning out (I've also NEVER had the ability to grow a proper full beard like other men can), have a disappearing eyebrow, have awful rashes on my face, hands/wrists and other parts of my body, have this slightly deformed lip due to being mercilessly beaten up after a night out just before Christmas last year (I don't remember what happened as I was so drunk and whoever did it has totally got away with it), have a small penis with an awful turkey neck (although I HAVE seen some size gains after doing the Bathmate routine, especially in girth) have autism, am an alcoholic, am physically weak, easily intimidated and scared and can't physically stand up to other men despite being 6'3" and a naturally large (fat not muscular) build, have NO friends whatsoever, have next to no family (I currently live with my Mum who I don't even get on with, my Dad and half brother and sister don't want to know), only ever had 2 jobs glass collecting in the year 2000 and have been NEET ever since (I have received disability benefits since 2002), never had a girlfriend, only been French kissed by 5 different females without paying (I've seen MANY different sex workers over the years as this is the only way I can get it, at least two of those females don't even count and I had no free French kisses AT ALL between 2003 and 2015 despite hundreds of nights out) and NEVER been to bed with a woman without paying apart from one time in 2002 but she only pretended to like me for her own sick amusement. She even played sick mind games with me for weeks before she actually let me go home with her, coming on to me then kissing the same person in front of me, back and to between us, asking me to go home with her but then just disappearing at the end of the night. I don't even know if I even managed to penetrate her as I was in pain with my retracted foreskin that interfered with my erections at the time. She wouldn't let me go down on her saying that "only her boyfriend can do that" and she even did things that physically hurt me both before I went home with her and the time I DID go home with her, such as scratching my back, viciously biting my neck (you could say it was love biting but it was quite extreme) and putting her teeth against my (what eventually became practically flaccid) penis head and foreskin. I most definitely did NOT cum. I was also drunk so I don't remember everything with perfect clarity. I've never known if I lost my virginity to her or not and this is something I've had to live with for all these years. She would go on to take away what's now been over 13 and half years of my physical life from me by saying horrible nasty things to me (I was drunk and my brain blocked what was said) when I phoned her once, possibly feeling lonely. I stupidly let her do it to me all over again (but no going to bed with her this time) in 2015, after I contacted her on Facebook just desperately wanting answers about the past. She then pretends to be nice to me, comes on to me and manipulates me in "that way". This led to us speaking on the phone and then meeting up twice. The first meeting was just a week after I initially contacted her on Facebook and the second meeting was 6 days after that. The first meeting she ended up French kissing me and suggested us being FWB's. The second meeting we spent the whole afternoon together (after her initially messing me about by not turning up at the place we agreed, then telling me a different place but then not turning up there for ages and also not answering her phone or replying to my texts) and she was all over me, making out she was in love with me and implied we had a future together. I had to catch the last bus to the place I was staying at, so I eventually had to leave her. Before I did she made me promise to phone her later some time later on that evening. When I did I initially couldn't get through for a while but when I did she got two males to laugh at me and mock me down the phone with her making stupid noises down the phone. The next day she just said she didn't remember saying she was drunk and had taken Valium. I then stupidly stayed in contact with her for months after that, not wanting to believe the awful truth. When I contacted her on Facebook, her youngest daughter actually admitted that her mother doesn't genuinely like me, never did and never will. I haven't contacted the woman in about a year now, deleted her number from my phone and I no longer have any Facebook connection with her (I'm actually no longer on Facebook at all as there was no point me being on it). What has always made the situation with the woman even worse is that there has NEVER been anything I could do to get justice and she has always been surrounded by people who won't admit the truth about why she did what she did (in the first place) and how it happened. I've always been on my own for all these years with NOBODY to stick up for me in the matter.
I've decided now that I have absolutely HAD ENOUGH of everything. I quite simply can't go on like this. I want to be happy and be finally free, living the life that I want AND deserve to live. I want a big penis that will make women SCREAM in orgasmic ecstasy. I want to be super physically attractive to women. I want to have hundreds of notches on my bedpost. I want ALL my health problems, along with this thing that's tortured me for over 13 and a half years totally GONE.
I've now made the decision that I WILL get the life I want. I quite simply have to.