Okay so I am an 18 year old teenager from Croatia. Since kindergarten I've been bullied and hated because of my looks, I was getting beat up at the school for existing. I swear, I did nothing that could trigger people to harm me. In these 18 years of living, I've experienced nothing but the worst possible things that can happen when asking a girl out. Not only was every question immediately terminated but also the answer on my question "would you like to go out with me sometime" was followed by negative comments about how weak,short,ugly and small I look. So, here I stand as another mere mortal with no experience trying to grasp for that glimpse of positivity that would restore my hope that I won't live my entire life lonely and sadly. So far, it looks like that since there hasn't been a single girl that ever liked me or ever stepped in a relationship with me. The reason why i put up these two pictures is not because i feel like i need to show you all how my body looks out of pride but to make you think before replying, because I'm ashamed of it.Myself thinks the same as those individuals. Every day i look at myself in the mirror and leave a crack in it with my fist. Another thing i have to mention is that I am an emcee (I write my lyrics and rap to them),I attend breakdancing classes,I am passionate for parkour and free running, I love comic books and all those movies and cartoons people label "nerdy",and of course,I love old school hip hop like Rakim,Nas,Black Thought,Big Pun etc. My own mom looks at me with an expression of being worried since she finds so many qualities on me and wonders how is it possible not a single female sees that. To be honest, just because you don't smoke,don't drink,don't do drugs and do dumb shit doesn't mean you are perfect. I have a self destructive tendency to kill every positive thing about me in a second. I even joke about it all the time even though I am still maintaining it serious. Another reason I beat myself up is because I've been lifting weights at home (since I have ego lifters in the gym where my breakdance classes are) and I've been eating 10 times a day the least and still stay at 59.9 kg and never moved from it since 16 years old. It also makes me hate myself because i want to be able to perform calisthenic moves like the planche,front lever,back lever,hefesto etc. and the farthest i came to is the muscle up which has a bad form but both arms lift me above the bar. I also hate the look of my face and my chest genetics and of course, the look of my arms and how skinny i am. How can i stop myself from being in this condition and finally look better to myself? Any reply would mean a lot since hey,somebody cares about my ugly ass.
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